Crushing Desire Read online

  “Go inside, Reena,” he muttered.

  “What did I—”

  He scowled at her, the anger in his eyes stopping her flow of words.

  “Go,” he commanded, his voice, low and dangerous, made her tremble.

  She whirled, her chest constricting and ran.

  Tears poured from her in a torrent. Running through the gardens, her transgression hit her. He had wanted his wife in that moment, not her. She’d been no more than a stopper for his grief. When he’d realized who was in his arms, his disgust had gotten the better of him. She had always known him to be polite and kind, but touching her had been so distasteful that he’d grown angry.

  Her dreams had been realized in that one moment. She had imagined herself marrying him. Imagined herself having his children. Raising their family, and then growing old and grey, all of it had flashed through her mind while still in his arms. And during that time, the passionate stirrings which had overwhelmed her had been quite irrelevant. The kiss, that magnificent kiss, had meant nothing to him. She sniffed, wiping at the tears even as they turned from streams to rivers on her cheeks.

  “Reena?” Ignoring Emily’s distressed cry, Reena ran on, straight to her bedroom and fell on her bed.

  “What happened?” Emily placed a gentle hand on her back.

  Reena didn’t answer. It didn’t matter now. Joshua would never want to see her again.

  9

  Joshua watched Reena rush off into the darkness. He curled in on himself, sitting on his heels, hands on his head once again. Pain wracked him afresh after his foolish actions. And what a one to choose for such a display of faults.

  “You damned fool.” He closed his eyes, grasped a handful of hair. “She’s just a girl.”

  He rocked forward a little on his toes and then opened his eyes again as he stood, muscles tensing.

  “I never should have come to this damned party.”

  Juliet had only been dead for a moment. His child only for an instant. A year was nothing. Here he was, defiling her memory, even as the final chords to the first song they’d ever danced to faded on the night air.

  His eyes still burned from the tears he’d shed over those months, but he had no more to give. He’d been dry inside for some time now. Swearing, he kicked a clump of dirt from the top of the flowerbed and clenched his fists. For a year, he’d kept himself away from society as he mourned for Juliet and his child, trying to think of no one else.

  So why had his mind of late wandered back to this unusual and outspoken girl he’d met on so few occasions? Had it been because his friends had mentioned her coming out? Or because they’d spoken of her unusual beauty, which had been evident even in their earliest meeting? What had made him come here tonight? The truth was obvious. It had haunted him all evening, dogging his every step… He had wanted to come. Wanted to see her. To talk to her and laugh at her witty and amusing comments. When she was around, his world brightened for those few moments.

  He sauntered over to one of the statues. The woman held a pitcher at her hip, water trickling from it into a small pool below. He gazed up at her.

  “I spent the entire evening in the corner to avoid the girl. Shouldn’t that count for something?” He snarled at the unyielding lady before him. “She was the one who had followed”

  The statue’s frozen stare reproached him.

  Joshua reproached himself. But she didn’t initiate the kiss.

  “Why does this little chit, fresh from the schoolroom, have such an effect on me?” His harsh whisper was nearly a growl. Resting a hand on the pitcher she held, he appraised the statue and its stony gaze. “Oh, who are you to judge me?”

  He rolled his eyes at his own absurd behavior. Here he was talking to a chunk of rock, all because of a young and frustratingly attractive girl. An unexpected twist on the evening he had not planned. He’d only wanted to get out a bit and take his mind off the past while avoiding contact as much as possible.

  “Why aren’t you at the party?” Howard’s voice broke into his self-deprecation.

  It would seem that avoiding company was not in the cards.

  “I, uh…” His gaze shot to where the man stood, on the path near the gazebo. “Needed some air.”

  Howard’s gaze took in the gardens, his shoulders held stiff. “Are you alone out here?”

  “Yes.” He smirked, jerking his head in the direction of the statue. “Just me and this fine lady.”

  Shoulders relaxing, the older man sighed and motioned to the gazebo with one hand. “Good, good. Come and sit for a moment, I have a proposition for you.”

  Joshua moved to the low bench along one side of the gazebo, and Howard took the seat opposite him.

  “I have a business venture of sorts for you, my good man.”

  Good man? What kind of good man kisses a young girl? Or forgets his wife and babe because the girl he’s been staring at through the open ballroom doors seems to be floating on clouds while she dances in the loveliest concoction a seamstress ever invented. Or maybe it’s because her lips looked so delicious in their little pout. Or the sweet scent that lingered at the curve of her neck.

  He closed his eyes for a moment and gave his head a slight shake. “A business venture?” Joshua mumbled and then cleared his throat. “Yes, sounds intriguing.”

  “Well, I’m sure you know one of my many business ventures is books. I am thinking of purchasing a binding company, and I’m sure that it would be a fantastic investment for an enterprising young man such as yourself.” Howard held up a hand to silence him, though he hadn’t been about to speak. “Now I know you hear these sorts of offers all the time. You have made quite a fortune out of your modest inheritance. However, the company I will be buying is teetering on the brink, so the cost will be next to nothing. And you will of course be given a percentage of profits.”

  The words to deny his offer hovered on Joshua’s lips. If truth be told, he didn’t need another business venture right now. His current investments and businesses were prospering quite nicely.

  “You know, my wife was beautiful,” Howard said, and Joshua’s mouth dropped. He hadn’t even known the man had married. “Died so young, poor dear. I too was twenty-two at the time of my wife’s passing.”

  Joshua’s gaze moved to the soft eyes of the inflexible man who sat across from him. He had never seen Howard in a vulnerable moment.

  “My desperate love for her began when we were very young.”

  Joshua nodded. His desperate love for Juliet began when he was twelve and she ten. They grew close, living in neighboring townhouses, and when she’d turned sixteen, she had agreed to marry him despite his youth and lack of title. She had waited through the war, and when he was released from his duty, she had welcomed him with open arms. In the four years of their marriage, and all the years he had known her before they wed, she had never disappointed him. But he had disappointed himself. He had sworn to himself he would never think of another woman, yet still his mind wandered to Reena, day in and day out making a mockery of that promise. And now he was kissing her. Wanting her. Not just in a physical sense. He wanted to be near her, and talk to her. To hear her outrageous comments and watch her try to cover her social blunders in the most adorable ways.

  “I thought it would all end when she died.” Howard studied his clasped hands. “Never going to love again. That was it for me.” His gaze rose from his hands, and he cocked his head, examining Joshua’s face. “Oh I had the opportunity. One very sweet and beautiful woman. Married now.” He shook his head. “I never let myself stop grieving even when Evelyn would have wanted it. Now that I’m old, I truly wish I had. Jane was a wonderful woman, and I think we would have been very happy together.”

  Howard shrugged, getting to his feet.

  “You can come by at the beginning of the week, and we can discuss my business proposal in more detail. And of course, you will need to come here and meet with me on a regular basis. I like to keep a close eye on any of my business investments as
I’m sure you do as well.”

  Joshua should deny him. Instead, he pressed his lips together. He would like to see Reena again, at least he could talk with her and try to make things right.

  “I…”He opened his mouth, but couldn’t speak a refusal.

  It wasn’t right. He should decline.

  “I shall expect you Monday to discuss the details.” Howard strode off into the night. Joshua threw his head back and moaned, clutching his thighs.

  What was wrong with him?

  Chapter Two

  England 1789

  Reena smoothed the skirts of her dress, settling the silken material into smooth folds as she awaited her latest suitor’s arrival. She tried not to think about Joshua. The man who still, in the year since her eighteenth birthday party, had not come to call. He met with her uncle regularly, even stopping to talk with her before his meetings, but he never spoke of the intimate moment they had shared. And he never tried to kiss her again. She tried not to think of their one shared kiss.

  “Mademoiselle Harrison.” A thick French accent broke her from her thoughts.

  Martin Dubois moved to the bench in the gardens where she sat, leaning over her hand and turning it a little to kiss her wrist.

  “Monsieur Dubois, comment allez vous?“ Reena asked, in her finest French, her memories fading into the background once more.

  “I am much better now that you’re here, ma belle fille.” Martin held her fingers for an instant too long before releasing her hand.

  He winked and then straightened. Reena got to her feet, glancing at the window which led into her room.

  Where was Emily?

  “Did you miss me, cheri?” He cocked an eyebrow, stepping into her.

  Reena moved around the bench, watching Martin’s hands, which could find their way into somewhat inappropriate places if not observed.

  “Certainly,” Reena replied. “How was your trip? Did you enjoy France?”

  “I saw Versailles. It was beautiful, all palatial cheeks, arms, and lips as sunset turned the marble pink, then red in its passion. I think I took you with me, mon amoureux. I only wish you had been there.” His sensuous smile unnerved her.

  Reena was used to these types of comments from Martin, but still her cheeks warmed. His gaze lowered until it rested on her breasts. She wore an older style of dress with Buffons—a thin material used to cover the bosom—and modesty pieces, because they hid her somewhat boastful developments. His eyes lidded and his mouth parted. She grimaced and tugged her shawl snug over her out of fashion attire.

  She cleared her throat. “Ms. Benton should be out soon.”

  Emily Benton stepped from the house at that moment and saved them both the humiliation of what had just occurred. “Where are we going, my young buck?” asked the older woman as she neared.

  Martin lifted her fingers to his lips, greeting her with a small bow.

  “Now don’t you be trying to flirt with me, son, I’ll not let you flip these skirts,” Emily chided.

  Reena couldn’t help but laugh, and neither could Martin, who offered an arm to each woman. Emily had a very open manner, which had never once presented itself in front of her father before they’d left for England. She’d been all steel and stone in front of him. So much so, she had Reena fearing that her life would be miserable with this woman her father had hired as her chaperone. After leaving her father’s side, however, she had taken Reena to the kitchen, and they had talked for hours over sweet pastries. They’d shared a lot since then.

  “I shall try my best to stay my natural urges where you are concerned.” Martin bowed to her and then to Reena.

  Men never did seem to mind Emily’s straightforward manner. Reena had been embarrassed the first time she’d heard the outspoken woman chastise a young man for allegedly wanting to toss her skirts. The young captain of the merchant ship they crossed on had laughed and promised to try. That seemed to be how most men reacted to her outrageous accusations. Her outlandish manner made the rather frightening post wartime voyage less fearsome.

  “Well, it isn’t polite to tease a lady,” Emily said in response to some comment that Reena had missed, bringing her mind back to the present. “Now, tell me where we are going.”

  “I thought that I should take my two favorite girls to the theater. I was able to get tickets to Much Ado About Nothing. What do you think about that Ms. Benton?” Martin winked.

  “Why you wicked…” Emily lifted an eyebrow. “How dare you take us to such a daring spectacle? Why it’s scandalous, that play. Do you try to tantalize me now?” She regarded him with a suspicious eye.

  “Always.”

  9

  The night was lovely…mild and fragrant. Stars shone through the curtained windows of the carriage, and the autumn moon loomed huge in the night sky. Horse hooves rang out when they struck the cobblestone streets of the city. They were more than halfway to the theater house, and Emily had fallen asleep. Reena smirked. It seemed Emily was never able to stay awake during a long coach ride, in particular when she was chaperoning Reena and one of her suitors. Yet she always seemed to be awake when Reena needed her most.

  “Will you be scandalized by the play we are to see, or will you be tantalized, I wonder?” Martin whispered, scooting closer to her on the seat.

  “I’m sure I don’t know,” she replied. “I’ve never heard of the play before.” A rabbit before a wolf, still she tried to keep her tone light-hearted.

  Reena wondered if she should make a noise to wake Emily. She wished it were Michael who sat next to her now. Martin was without doubt attractive, perhaps the most beautiful man she had ever met in spite of the scar on his lip, which he had gotten falling from a horse during his childhood. His twin, Michael, who also courted her, was like him in every visual aspect except for the scar. In personality, though, Michael was different from Martin. Michael had grown up well behaved. He was very funny and a gentleman with her most of the time. Martin, however, was always trying to get her alone so that he could steal a kiss. Reena took a shaky breath and pushed herself up against the side of the carriage.

  “I think you should like the play well, amore.” He slipped closer. So near now that she had nowhere to run. “It’s about a young couple that wants to marry. They have a lover’s quarrel after the villain convinces the young man that his bride-to-be has been untrue.”

  Martin smiled, and Reena’s heart fluttered. It wasn’t attraction that had her pulse racing. His smoldering eyes and all too active hands discomfited her.

  “I think it will indeed tantalize you, amoureux.” He leaned in toward Reena’s mouth.

  She turned her head, and his mouth fell on her cheek.

  “Monsieur Dubois,” she said, as his lips moved along her cheek toward her neck. “Monsieur Dubois, please.”

  “Kiss me, Reena,” Martin whispered, his voice thick. “Kiss me the way you kissed my brother in that alley when we were young.”

  He pulled her hands to his chest, holding them against him.

  “I never should have given him that kiss.” Her words came in a rushed whisper. “It was a juvenile child’s game.”

  “I’ve wanted to kiss you many times since that day. You must allow it.”

  Reena kept her face turned away. “Monsieur Dubois,” she began.

  “Martin.”

  “Martin, I can’t. It’s not proper. And what about Emily?”

  He nuzzled her cheek, his mouth kissing a small trail toward her lips. “She’s asleep Reena, and it’s only improper if you’re caught. Besides, propriety never stopped you in that alleyway.”

  Reena swallowed hard. It was true. She had always had a wicked curiosity about the flesh.

  The truth was she would have to marry, even if it wouldn’t be to Joshua. Reena had to protect her reputation and her virtue. Her eyes misted, and she swallowed hard at a lump in her throat. His hand caught her chin. He moved his mouth to cover hers, but the instant his lips touched hers, Emily jerked and mumbled in her sleep,
kicking Martin hard in the shin. He yelled and grabbed his shin.

  Only Reena saw the fleeting smirk on Emily’s face before she sat up.

  “Oh my! Did I hurt you?” Emily’s eyes went wide, and she blinked sleepily. “I do get a bit carried away when I dream.”

  Martin’s eyes darkened for a moment, but then one corner of his mouth lifted. “And what, or should I say whom, were you dreaming about?” He sat back.

  “Oh you!” Emily’s hand flew to her throat. “A lady never tells. Not that there was anything to tell, mind you.”

  Emily swatted the air playfully, and Reena couldn’t help but laugh at their banter, though her insides still quivered.

  9

  The theater was crowded when they entered through the huge double doors. Martin had rented one of the balcony boxes and led Emily and Reena to it.

  “I believe that you should truly enjoy the play,” Martin whispered in her ear.

  “We shall see.” Reena gazed up at him.

  Martin winked in reply and seated Emily on one end of the box and Reena in the middle, next to him. Glancing at him a moment later, she again found his eyes on her bosom, lips parted and breathing shallow. She eyed Emily, wishing she could tug at her modesty piece.

  Emily met Reena’s eyes and then looked in the direction of Martin’s ardent gaze. “Why if you keep staring at me young man, people will begin to think you’re in love with me,” she said. “What a scandalous sensation we would cause.”

  With wordless thanks to Emily for rescuing her, which Emily often did, Reena forced a laugh. Peeking back, she noted that Martin’s head hadn’t moved, but his gaze had shifted toward Emily as though he’d been watching her all along.

  “I don’t understand why you insist on hiding it, my lady, but I shall keep my eyes to myself this evening.” Martin nodded, sitting back.

  “You’d just better do that, you sly dog.” Emily shook her fan open and waved it before her face.

  Looking over the crowd below, Reena watched the men and women taking their seats. The expensive balcony seats across from theirs were empty. In the theater below, the seats in front held the middle classes, those that were well off but not rich enough to afford the balcony. Behind them was a small section for the masses. Seats that were cheap in price and comfort. Reena grinned, watching as a young man in meager clothes escorted a woman to her seat, pointing out the features of the theatre to her. Her smile faded when a gentleman in a fine greatcoat and hat pushed past the young couple, not even sparing a glance for the toppling pair as he went.